I have a love/hate relationship with personality tests. There are benefits, but honestly my pride gets in the way and I cringe at the thought of being “figured out” just by a combination of letters, or a number, or a title etc etc etc. I joke with my friends that I’m a “10” on the enneagram (I’m really a 6 for those of you who are wondering….well, the test declared me a 5, but that’s wrong. I read the descriptions and self-declared myself a 6. I digress.)

So, personality tests aren’t my favorite. I like to just get to know people for who they are without preconceived notions of what “box” they should fit in or what not.

I probably over think it.

Lately though I have seen the benefits of understanding myself a little better for the sake of those around me and I have started recognizing more aspects to my personality that have been helpful. It’s been beneficial and helps me understand why I do the things I do. It’s cool.

Understanding how I’m wired has specifically shown me how I thrive in life with job, relationships, decision making etc. which is helpful!  I feel as if I’m “catching onto myself” and have a better idea of how to set and attain goals in life a little better.  I can set out to make myself flourish and “live my best life.”  I get excited when I think about “nailing” down these desires and mapping out the steps to fulfill them.

The problem is that my Identity gets in the way of acting on my personality and pursuing what makes sense for me and who I am.

You see, my personality is one that loves adventure in the form of moving to new places, not setting down roots, being an Outdoor Education teacher, having FUN, and does not naturally have a bent toward my current stage in life.  I ache to have a life filled with Chaco wearing days, ministry, camps, teaching kids about nature, being outside, and discipling. Instead I work an office job, live with my brother, am setting down roots, and don’t have much wiggle room to engage my spontaneous self. (I will say that I have discipling and ministry opportunities which are awesome!) Frankly, it is tempting for me to quit my job, leave everyone I know here, hop on a place to Arizona, and work with my friend at her camp in the mountains. So, why don’t I pursue those goals and dream? They aren’t bad and I would definitely have a sense of earthly “fulfillment.”  Surely I’d be admired for chasing after my desires like they do on Instagram.

Well, because my Identity is bigger than my personality.

Yes, I have a natural bent toward these things but ultimately God has made it very clear that I am right where He wants me in life.  He is my ultimate Identity.  Trust me, I have tried to bust out of my current living situations but God doesn’t allow my attempts to get far.  I see catchy, inspirational phrases on social media about pursuing dreams at all costs, be a “goal getter,” and doing whatever it takes to live the life you want. That’s all well and good until the Creator of the Universe, Ruler of my Life, and The Giver of Good Gifts says “no” or “not yet.”

Sure, I could go pursue my goals and dreams that are good and rewarding I know for certain that I would be making those decisions in disobedience to God.

Every time my friend tells me that there is a job opening at my Alma Mater (where she works) and that we could have such a great life training for races together, camping together, and how I could babysit her precious boy, and spend weekends together I have to remind myself to stay obedient.

Anytime my PARENTS tell me that they have room waiting for me at their home in Boise, Idaho where the mountains are plenty and the exploring never ends, I have to remind myself to be faithful to God’s oh so very blatant calling in my life right now.

I have to die to self.

I have to deny myself.

I’m not going to go into detail of how I am most certain that where I am right now is where God wants me to be and is His will for me right now.  (That’s another post for another day) What I want to drive home is that as beautiful as it is that God made us all so unique and can use our different personality strengths and weaknesses for His glory, ultimately He trumps our personality when it comes to pursuing those fulfilling earthly desires.  Bigger than my natural tendency to be spontaneous is my identity as a Child of God. If I am truly going to live my life as a Child of God then I will walk in obedience and faith knowing that where I am is for His glory and His best for me right now.

God uses our personalities right where we are in life, but we are also always going to live with unfulfilled desires. That’s one reason why we need Jesus. We are never going to have “it” together and praise God we won’t! When our ultimate desire and identity is in God then our perspective changes and we can live a more joyful life. Doesn’t mean it’ll be easy, or everything is happy-go-lucky, it is just different and more kingdom minded.  I can attest that it isn’t easy. Lots of agonizing with a side of fear and tears. But God redeems and restores in ways that are beyond our personality and we can walk in that assurance.